i am celebrating a belated thanksgiving with my extended family that i havent seen in ages! i dont normally participate in black friday and dont plan on it this year. things never make you happy, lets not shop :)


unwishlist #1

a list of things i like and dont plan on buying ... ever!

1) Dahon Briza D7 Folding Bike (Obsidian, 24-Inch) $718.99


3) The Gorillapod - Original $19

4) Steve Madden Women's Troopa Boot $99.95

5) Psychedelic Pill (vinyl) $69.99

6) TARTE Eye Catchers 6-Piece SmolderEYES™ And Skinny SmolderEYES™ Collector's Set $59.99

7) Smens Gourmet Scented Pens, 10 Pack $20.79

updates on goals

i have thinking about my goal-setting and time management (lack of really) and how i would like to change it or make more realistic goals. in the last few years i have been setting goals like nobodies business and to be honest i had never really set any actual goals before that while in school. i knew i wanted to do certain things some day (graduate, get a job, move out, not need my parents money, be a designer, learn everything .... ) not now of course just some day. i know that some goals have been met but most haven't. i think the main issues have to do with time management and just lack of motivation(feelings), i want to change things up and be able to get things done and not just wish and hope. trying something new and easy that makes sense.

i want to revisit my new years goals for the 2012

1. read 42 books 
i am up to 30 books, better then 2011(25) but still not close to 42, i know i just have to make time for reading during my day and have a space for reading, currently i read while on public transportion which i dont take often enough to make a dent and i am certain i wont be able to reach my goal by the end of dec. this is a goal i want to have every year. i do enjoy reading, and always want to read.

2. do p90x (in the photo i wrote insanity but i have since changed my mind)

this past year while i was away was my first time ever trying to exercise outside of school and being forced by school, and i havent really tried since i have been home. i do want to exercise regularly and get into running this is something that is definitely staying on my goals list.
3. apply to at least 30 jobs before i return home, starting in may

i did apply to a few jobs but not many. since i have been home i have applied to almost forty jobs ( wasnt always keeping track but i am now) and i do have my part time job now. i think i can kinda say i kinda did this one.

4. update resume & ask for recommendation letters

i have updated my resume (it did get my a job & internship!)  but never got those letters. the letters aren't as important as i thought, references are and i am still looking... i have a few but would like to change it up, done!

5. have a 'rough' and almost finish redo of my portfolio (aim for 15 pieces but plan to reduce)

nope nope nope, this is my BLOCK.... read more definitely needs to be done, i did come up with 6 pieces for my internship interview so that is a somewhat rough something

6. complete my ukulele book (teach yourself book)

nope :( need to do this also i want to learn music and be able to play and sing when i am bored, i feel like i need my own space for this one though and i need to bug my boy about it

7. grow my hair and be a red head(with henna!)

i have grown my hair but stopped using henna (messy), and i am somewhat reddish-brownish head ... photos to follow

8. listen to 2 new albums a month

havent really done, but did listen to many new months probably more then 20, will try to come up with a list

9. bike, bike, bike here in doullens ( i still have to ask about this)
never got to bike in doullens :(, want to bike still planning to keep this goal especially since i now do have a bike to borrow

10. travel, travel, travel during my breaks & plan & research
went to amsterdam, spain, & paris while abroad :) 

11. do dan's band website (learn how to)
nope, have to do this still!

12. floss everyday
yes, yes i floss most days. totally done!

13. for this blog, i want to have 100 posts on here & maybe do something on youtube… maybe and start working on the learning to love you assignments
blog up to 64 posts not bad, haha and yes need to get on the assignments (the reason i started this blog and i supposed i have forgotten)

14. internet free once a week (maybe sundays or mondays) I won't count skype or email just because of the fact that I am away but this is something I will like to keep up with after 2012
still need to get on this have made some vague attempts its hard when you get everything from the computer .... everything (work, killing time, socialize, etc) 

I wanted to visit this topic before the year ended and I am glad I was able to write about this and my very tiny attempts on each of these goals and its pretty evident more then half are in store for 2013. Most of my fall goals are based on this central list, and are things i do want to keep up for the next year, i am already plotting my list for the next year and my small monthly goals. i hope to be able to cross off my entire list next year!


truisms - jenny holzer

a little knowledge can go a long way
a lot of professionals are crackpots
a man can't know what it is to be a mother
a name means a lot just by itself
a positive attitude means all the difference in the world
a relaxed man is not necessarily a better man
a sense of timing is the mark of genius
a sincere effort is all you can ask
a single event can have infinitely many interpretations
a solid home base builds a sense of self
a strong sense of duty imprisons you
absolute submission can be a form of freedom
abstraction is a type of decadence
abuse of power comes as no surprise
action causes more trouble than thought
alienation produces eccentrics or revolutionaries
all things are delicately interconnected
ambition is just as dangerous as complacency
ambivalence can ruin your life
an elite is inevitable
anger or hate can be a useful motivating force
animalism is perfectly healthy
any surplus is immoral
anything is a legitimate area of investigation
artificial desires are despoiling the earth
at times inactivity is preferable to mindless functioning
at times your unconsciousness is truer than your conscious mind
automation is deadly
awful punishment awaits really bad people
bad intentions can yield good results
being alone with yourself is increasingly unpopular
being happy is more important than anything else
being judgmental is a sign of life
being sure of yourself means you're a fool
believing in rebirth is the same as admitting defeat
boredom makes you do crazy things
calm is more conductive to creativity than is anxiety
categorizing fear is calming
change is valuable when the oppressed become tyrants
chasing the new is dangerous to society
children are the most cruel of all
children are the hope of the future
class action is a nice idea with no substance
class structure is as artificial as plastic
confusing yourself is a way to stay honest
crime against property is relatively unimportant
decadence can be an end in itself
decency is a relative thing
dependence can be a meal ticket
description is more important than metaphor
deviants are sacrificed to increase group solidarity
disgust is the appropriate response to most situations
disorganization is a kind of anesthesia
don't place to much trust in experts
drama often obscures the real issues
dreaming while awake is a frightening contradiction
dying and coming back gives you considerable perspective
dying should be as easy as falling off a log
eating too much is criminal
elaboration is a form of pollution
emotional responses ar as valuable as intellectual responses
enjoy yourself because you can't change anything anyway
ensure that your life stays in flux
even your family can betray you
every achievement requires a sacrifice
everyone's work is equally important
everything that's interesting is new
exceptional people deserve special concessions
expiring for love is beautiful but stupid
expressing anger is necessary
extreme behavior has its basis in pathological psychology
extreme self-consciousness leads to perversion
faithfulness is a social not a biological law
fake or real indifference is a powerful personal weapon
fathers often use too much force
fear is the greatest incapacitator
freedom is a luxury not a necessity
giving free rein to your emotions is an honest way to live
go all out in romance and let the chips fall where they may
going with the flow is soothing but risky
good deeds eventually are rewarded
government is a burden on the people
grass roots agitation is the only hope
guilt and self-laceration are indulgences
habitual contempt doesn't reflect a finer sensibility
hiding your emotions is despicable
holding back protects your vital energies
humanism is obsolete
humor is a release
ideals are replaced by conventional goals at a certain age
if you aren't political your personal life should be exemplary
if you can't leave your mark give up
if you have many desires your life will be interesting
if you live simply there is nothing to worry about
ignoring enemies is the best way to fight
illness is a state of mind
imposing order is man's vocation for chaos is hell
in some instances it's better to die than to continue
inheritance must be abolished
it can be helpful to keep going no matter what
it is heroic to try to stop time
it is man's fate to outsmart himself
it is a gift to the world not to have babies
it's better to be a good person than a famous person
it's better to be lonely than to be with inferior people
it's better to be naive than jaded
it's better to study the living fact than to analyze history
it's crucial to have an active fantasy life
it's good to give extra money to charity
it's important to stay clean on all levels
it's just an accident that your parents are your parents
it's not good to hold too many absolutes
it's not good to operate on credit
it's vital to live in harmony with nature
just believing something can make it happen
keep something in reserve for emergencies
killing is unavoidable but nothing to be proud of
knowing yourself lets you understand others
knowledge should be advanced at all costs
labor is a life-destroying activity
lack of charisma can be fatal
leisure time is a gigantic smoke screen
listen when your body talks
looking back is the first sign of aging and decay
loving animals is a substitute activity
low expectations are good protection
manual labor can be refreshing and wholesome
men are not monogamous by nature
moderation kills the spirit
money creates taste
monomania is a prerequisite of success
morals are for little people
most people are not fit to rule themselves
mostly you should mind your own business
mothers shouldn't make too many sacrifices
much was decided before you were born
murder has its sexual side
myth can make reality more intelligible
noise can be hostile
nothing upsets the balance of good and evil
occasionally principles are more valuable than people
offer very little information about yourself
often you should act like you are sexless
old friends are better left in the past
opacity is an irresistible challenge
pain can be a very positive thing
people are boring unless they are extremists
people are nuts if they think they are important
people are responsible for what they do unless they are insane
people who don't work with their hands are parasites
people who go crazy are too sensitive
people won't behave if they have nothing to lose
physical culture is second best
planning for the future is escapism
playing it safe can cause a lot of damage in the long run
politics is used for personal gain
potential counts for nothing until it's realized
private property created crime
pursuing pleasure for the sake of pleasure will ruin you
push yourself to the limit as often as possible
raise boys and girls the same way
random mating is good for debunking sex myths
rechanneling destructive impulses is a sign of maturity
recluses always get weak
redistributing wealth is imperative
relativity is no boon to mankind
religion causes as many problems as it solves
remember you always have freedom of choice
repetition is the best way to learn
resolutions serve to ease our conscience
revolution begins with changes in the individual
romantic love was invented to manipulate women
routine is a link with the past
routine small excesses are worse than then the occasional debauch
sacrificing yourself for a bad cause is not a moral act
salvation can't be bought and sold
self-awareness can be crippling
self-contempt can do more harm than good
selfishness is the most basic motivation
selflessness is the highest achievement
separatism is the way to a new beginning
sex differences are here to stay
sin is a means of social control
slipping into madness is good for the sake of comparison
sloppy thinking gets worse over time
solitude is enriching
sometimes science advances faster than it should
sometimes things seem to happen of their own accord
spending too much time on self-improvement is antisocial
starvation is nature's way
stasis is a dream state
sterilization is a weapon of the rulers
strong emotional attachment stems from basic insecurity
stupid people shouldn't breed
survival of the fittest applies to men and animals
symbols are more meaningful than things themselves
taking a strong stand publicizes the opposite position
talking is used to hide one's inability to act
teasing people sexually can have ugly consequences
technology will make or break us
the cruelest disappointment is when you let yourself down
the desire to reproduce is a death wish
the family is living on borrowed time
the idea of revolution is an adolescent fantasy
the idea of transcendence is used to obscure oppression
the idiosyncratic has lost its authority
the most profound things are inexpressible
the mundane is to be cherished
the new is nothing but a restatement of the old
the only way to be pure is to stay by yourself
the sum of your actions determines what you are
the unattainable is invariable attractive
the world operates according to discoverable laws
there are too few immutable truths today
there's nothing except what you sense
there's nothing redeeming in toil
thinking too much can only cause problems
threatening someone sexually is a horrible act
timidity is laughable
to disagree presupposes moral integrity
to volunteer is reactionary
torture is barbaric
trading a life for a life is fair enough
true freedom is frightful
unique things must be the most valuable
unquestioning love demonstrates largesse of spirit
using force to stop force is absurd
violence is permissible even desirable occasionally
war is a purification rite
we must make sacrifices to maintain our quality of life
when something terrible happens people wake up
wishing things away is not effective
with perseverance you can discover any truth
words tend to be inadequate
worrying can help you prepare
you are a victim of the rules you live by
you are guileless in your dreams
you are responsible for constituting the meaning of things
you are the past present and future
you can live on through your descendants
you can't expect people to be something they're not
you can't fool others if you're fooling yourself
you don't know what's what until you support yourself
you have to hurt others to be extraordinary
you must be intimate with a token few
you must disagree with authority figures
you must have one grand passion
you must know where you stop and the world begins
you can understand someone of your sex only
you owe the world not the other way around
you should study as much as possible
your actions ae pointless if no one notices
your oldest fears are the worst ones



I have started keeping track of my expenses using, and it has been quite enlightening.  I have noticed where I have been spending like crazy aside from food and transportation (totally necessary)... makeup/beauty items. I am in a situation where I should not be spending money like this, I don't have a budget to spend money aimlessly or to shop for things I don't need.

I always hate to talk about beauty and fashion, I dont know why but I feel like its embarrassing as a woman. I feel like its shallow and petty but I do like it and enjoy it. I care about what I wear and what I look like most of the time.

When I started watching youtube beauty videos (around 2009/2010) my amount of makeup dramatically increased, and as I usually only buy drugstore brands it doesnt feel like I am spending much. I do see a new nail polish or eye shadow as a nice treat as I can't afford much these days. The drugstores also have lots of deals and coupons that lure me in, and I have realized that the makeup I do have will take me ages to finish. Part of me feels that I switched from fashion to makeup.

I decided to do what I've seen beauty youtubers do, a no buy and I want to not buy or watch youtube (beauty videos) starting now this month of Nov. I have been trying to lessen my habit of youtube and I think just not watching those videos will remove my desire to buy makeup. I am not sure when my no buy will end but I will replace items that I finished and need to be replaced as it comes up (definitely not nail polish, eye shadow or lipsticks).

here it goes, i dont need or want makeup and heres to more money in the bank account...


  • ☾: post photo of yourself
    taken just now to answer this question

  • æ : tell 5 things about your best friend
  • 1. part time lover + full time best friend
  • 2. pretty good at guitar / awesome at band names 
  • 3. likes gummi candy, candy corn, & circus peanuts
  • 4. LOVES is addicted to diet coke
  • 5. can quote tons of cheesy 90s movies

  • ✌: share 5 things that you really want
  • 1. new glasses or new to me glasses
  • 2. road bike (used)
  • 3. replace my recently lost monroe (just spent like an hour looking for one i would actually want to buy)
  • 4. full-time employment/money
  • 5. to live in/with the same place as my boy

  • ☮ : share 5 favourite movies
  • 1. thin blue line
  • 2. magnolia
  • 3. rushmore
  • 4. lost in translation
  • 5. the graduate

  • ❂ : share 5 favourite foods
  • 1. shrimp fried rice from chinese friends
  • 2. chicken kabob from tasty burger
  • 3. bean & cheese / breakfast burrito from san diego mexican food places
  • 4. the loaded potato skins from wood ranch
  • 5. bbq chopped salad

  • ☯ : share 5 person you love being with
  • 1. daniel
  • 2. jessica 
  • 3. arun 
  • need to stop being such a loner/be better at making friends, am taking applications :) 

  • ☪ : share 5 favourite celebrities
  • 1. bill murrary
  • 2. the beatles
  • 3. meryl streep
  • 4. britney spears 
  • 5. beyoncé

  • ❀ : share favourite thing you do when you get bored
  • not sure i have a favorite thing but to be honest its kill time on youtube watching howto/style beauty videos, awful habit that needs to stop or read my rss feed

  • ♡ : share 5 favourite songs
  • 1. sunshine of your love by cream
  • 2. my my, hey hey (out of the blue) by neil young and crazy horse
  • 3. almost cut my hair by crosby, stills, nash & young
  • 4. someday soon by harlem
  • 5. declaration of war by little toys

  • ❁: share 5 favourite blogs
  • 1.
  • 2.
  • 3.
  • 4.
  • 5. (where i found this)

  • ✓: tell 5 facts about yourself
  • 1. i am my own harsh critic but lazy.
  • 2. i have my office space within the bathroom space ... there is a wall in between and an opening for a door that is yet to be installed.
  • 3. i love dr pepper ... too much ruined my teeth.
  • 4. i don't have many any friends but I am friendly person just a bit of a loner.
  • 5. i have horrible time management and can kill days on the computer not doing much of anything :(

  • ♧ : share 5 facts about your appearance
  • 1. I am short 5'1".
  • 2. I have brown eyes and hair (BORING!)
  • 3. I have bad pimply skin currently and scars and all. 
  • 4. I don't shave my armpits but I hardly ever wear sleeveless shirts.
  • 5. I don't have any tattoos, yet.

  • ☆: share your current mood
  • lonely, hungry, and a bit chilly. just okay.

  • ♒ : share about your crush
  • none

  • ☀ : something that made me smile today
  • seeing the kids in costumes 

  • ✖ : something you hate
  • politics 

  • ☼ : something you love
  • my macbook pro

  • ϟ : ask anything
  • whats your biggest dream/goal?
  • what do you want to change from your life?
from )


crossing my fingers

working away on an 'examples' portfolio for my first interview for a graphic design internship! the first time i actually sent examples, and i am nervous and winging it on the same time. my first interview to do what i want to do. AHHHH!!!!!! as you can see not much design work this month hopefully more Xs next month, just being honest with myself & you. hoping and wishing.


ipod wishlist & thinking out loud

(photos from

my ipod touch's audio jack is on the fritz and it will need to be replaced soon ... thinking should i get the new ipod touch, or the ipod nano?

my ipod touch is actually the first generation and belonged to my brother who gave it to me when my ipod (classic)'s audio jack failed just as its doing now. i am a big believer in using what you have until you need to replace it.

i like the ipod touch because its like a mini ipad you can use apps, get a camera... could use it to read books but its a bit small, i dont want an iphone i dont have a smart phone and it doesnt bother me. i dont want to add any bills i dont need. at the same time i would have to carry around my mobile phone & ipod nano & camera for when i need it and maybe someday an ereader/tablet.... i think i wont always carry that stuff only when i need it but it seems like a lot.

i have wanted an ipad or actually an ereader like tablet device like the nook or the kindle fire for a while now as i have been getting into reading and just notice how little space books & comics take up on a computer compared to a bookshelf (i blame moving and how heavy books can actually get, and then again i get most of my books at thrift stores). there is also rumors of the ipad mini.

debating about this in my head & with my brother but quite honestly i am seriously missing my music during my walk to work and my podcasts for falling asleep too.

any ideas internet?

fall goals

inspired by two bloggers and also life wants & needs in general. i've been really into goal making and lists this year. and here my list of Fall Goals! i know i am just a bit late as fall has started but here goes ...

1. complete & print ten pieces for portfolio (ready to be photographed)

2. redo resume to emphasis design + cover letter for internships

3. spend 4-5 hours weekly on or learning about web design

4. try and catch up on reading challenge (currently 6 books behind)

5. get on a budget & start saving

6. repair bike + get lock + helmet

7. practice self care

8. celebrate anniversary!!!

9. get rid of 100 things that belong to me, give away what i can

10. internet free once a week (mondays or sundays)

will update for sure



this week has been a reminder of my father and his side of the family. not much to say just have to deal. this is back when my parents were young and so was i, and i really felt this was my family. nowadays we might share our last name but they are all strangers.

that's life.


portfolio = bane of my existence

I studied graphic design & photography (Art major) &&&& ... at California State University Northridge.

I have been hardly trying to work on my portfolio since I graduated as it was not required.

I have been not trying to work on my portfolio. Ever since I've know about it, it has been something I have PUT OFF, IGNORED, etc. The task just is so overwhelming and daunting it seems impossible.

The main reason I haven't been able to look at design jobs is because I have no put-together portfolio. I was supposed to start on it in Jan 2011, I have been putting it off during my stay in France, and the last few months since I've been home. Why? At this point I don't care to say and it just has to change and be different. I want to blog about the experience here, I want to hold myself accountable. I can change. I want to work in design, I want to be creative. MY current job has been soul-crushing, to say the least...

I want to aim for 3 completed pieces per month. The pieces will be mainly school related, and print based. I might add stuff based on what I feel is missing from my book. I am excited to show progress and work on here and add more design-related content to the blog. I don't think its in the best taste show work in progress, but its what I will do.

I only have myself to blame for not designing now and I feel like my skills are disappearing to say the least.


I am

I am twenty five and I am disappointed in myself. I think back to when I was younger and I never thought I would be where and how I am now. I didnt really plan for the future I just thought it would happen, and OH its happening and I feel so entirely unprepared.

High School was what it was and I was a loner then and during college and now in the almost two years I've been out of college I continue to be a loner. I am ashamed about this I never learned how to keep friends and also part of it has been finding people worth having around, another part being engrossed in my relationship with my boyfriend. I hate that I simply dont know anyone really, I have few people that I am 'friendly' with but not in the way I would like, I sometimes wonder is it LA or is it the VALLLEY?

I have come to understand that I am a homebody and that I'm introverted but I do like being social and I want to meet people, I seriously need all the friends I can get...

There's many things I need to work on, I've never been happy about myself. I want to learn how to be happy, and whole. I want to be open and honest. I am ashamed about who I am most of the time, and I dont want to be. I writing this because I don't want to care about what people think I was be honest about my situation and that I am aware I put myself here.

I hope to document my journey on working on some of these issues that I have. I understand its not going to be overnight and its going to take time.

Time is on my side, I hope.



I feel like writing when I am down. I am so so down and I find like I just don't know about anything or anyone or I am just so so lost. I am wishing I was anyone else but me. I am have trouble adjusting to being home. I hate and regret so so many things. It's hard to want to do anything part of me wants to give up but at the same time I know you're who I need/want. I love you.

I need to get outta of LA!


searching and 1st callback

2012-06-02 22.06.24.jpg
the living room in the la apt

I have been looking for a job (seriously started mid-june) and realizing just as in my last job search that work experience is what I am seriously lacking. I am not sure what career I want just yet, I am down to learn and gain any kind of experience. I've wanted to be a teacher, graphic designer, photographer, and just something creative. I've worked as a teaching assistant and tutor so I have experience in the educational field. I am looking for work related to schools (teachers aide, afterschool, tutor, & nanny) or for just any work. I have been using,, and to look for work and I have also informed anyone around me that I'm looking for work. I have my mom looking with relatives and giving me numbers to call. At this point I've applied to about 20 positions and I accepted a position. I was offered another temp job but I felt, that this position was better.

I will start working a week from today. Its a part time position but I am pleased that I will be moving back home and at least have a job for the moment and be able to live a little. I would love to eventually have a 2nd job and will be trying for one. I have to wear a uniform for the first time since I was in elementary school myself, which I totally hate and wish I didn't have to at all. I am feeling that its almost an investment to start this job because of all the costs involved in acquiring the job (uniform, fingerprints, cpr class, & transcripts)... and I hope its a means for my future as well.

(note: i started this post mid july and finished it today)


Insomnia Thoughts

I've been meaning to write these thoughts down for a few days/weeks. I want to be more and do more (now!). Since I've come back home, most things have returned to the state they used to be. I remember thinking and saying how I didnt want to return to the same life. I'm not saying that I am unhappy about my life just that there are many things I would like to improve on mainly ... lack of employment, just lack of focus, and lack of real friendships. I want to go out and do things. I know that the biggest road blocks are just all in my head and caring what people think. I want to not give a hoot and start living and just be. I want to be putting myself out there.

I hate to think about things or most of the time I am just living for the 'day', this has to stop. I've been worried about being personal online about writing my feelings but as I've decided to work on not caring ... I want to start blogging about my mission to be earning a living, to move out and move in with my partner, to gain more out of life. Its hard to explain whats been holding me back and I know its just this feeling that I'm not good enough or like the others.

Photo on 7-5-12 at 8.46 AM.jpgTaken right before I wrote this because it just didn't feel like a post without a picture, with my "C" from Spain wearing my backup glasses.


Mrs. Henry - Chickentowne [EP]

I proudly present Mrs. Henry's first EP. Listen and download, now!



It should really be a picture of the school. I am leaving in just a few hours and I can't believe it. I don't believe my time in France is over.  I am not sure about anything but I am both sad and happy. I am a mixture of regret and amazement. I overpacked and overstuffed my suitcases and I am feeling that I should be leaving even more stuff behind. I threw away things with reckless abandon that I didn't know was possible. I feel in my heart I will come back again, and soon I hope. Au revoir, France.


photobooth + gpoy


all in france but going home