ipod wishlist & thinking out loud

(photos from

my ipod touch's audio jack is on the fritz and it will need to be replaced soon ... thinking should i get the new ipod touch, or the ipod nano?

my ipod touch is actually the first generation and belonged to my brother who gave it to me when my ipod (classic)'s audio jack failed just as its doing now. i am a big believer in using what you have until you need to replace it.

i like the ipod touch because its like a mini ipad you can use apps, get a camera... could use it to read books but its a bit small, i dont want an iphone i dont have a smart phone and it doesnt bother me. i dont want to add any bills i dont need. at the same time i would have to carry around my mobile phone & ipod nano & camera for when i need it and maybe someday an ereader/tablet.... i think i wont always carry that stuff only when i need it but it seems like a lot.

i have wanted an ipad or actually an ereader like tablet device like the nook or the kindle fire for a while now as i have been getting into reading and just notice how little space books & comics take up on a computer compared to a bookshelf (i blame moving and how heavy books can actually get, and then again i get most of my books at thrift stores). there is also rumors of the ipad mini.

debating about this in my head & with my brother but quite honestly i am seriously missing my music during my walk to work and my podcasts for falling asleep too.

any ideas internet?

fall goals

inspired by two bloggers and also life wants & needs in general. i've been really into goal making and lists this year. and here my list of Fall Goals! i know i am just a bit late as fall has started but here goes ...

1. complete & print ten pieces for portfolio (ready to be photographed)

2. redo resume to emphasis design + cover letter for internships

3. spend 4-5 hours weekly on or learning about web design

4. try and catch up on reading challenge (currently 6 books behind)

5. get on a budget & start saving

6. repair bike + get lock + helmet

7. practice self care

8. celebrate anniversary!!!

9. get rid of 100 things that belong to me, give away what i can

10. internet free once a week (mondays or sundays)

will update for sure



this week has been a reminder of my father and his side of the family. not much to say just have to deal. this is back when my parents were young and so was i, and i really felt this was my family. nowadays we might share our last name but they are all strangers.

that's life.


portfolio = bane of my existence

I studied graphic design & photography (Art major) &&&& ... at California State University Northridge.

I have been hardly trying to work on my portfolio since I graduated as it was not required.

I have been not trying to work on my portfolio. Ever since I've know about it, it has been something I have PUT OFF, IGNORED, etc. The task just is so overwhelming and daunting it seems impossible.

The main reason I haven't been able to look at design jobs is because I have no put-together portfolio. I was supposed to start on it in Jan 2011, I have been putting it off during my stay in France, and the last few months since I've been home. Why? At this point I don't care to say and it just has to change and be different. I want to blog about the experience here, I want to hold myself accountable. I can change. I want to work in design, I want to be creative. MY current job has been soul-crushing, to say the least...

I want to aim for 3 completed pieces per month. The pieces will be mainly school related, and print based. I might add stuff based on what I feel is missing from my book. I am excited to show progress and work on here and add more design-related content to the blog. I don't think its in the best taste show work in progress, but its what I will do.

I only have myself to blame for not designing now and I feel like my skills are disappearing to say the least.


I am

I am twenty five and I am disappointed in myself. I think back to when I was younger and I never thought I would be where and how I am now. I didnt really plan for the future I just thought it would happen, and OH its happening and I feel so entirely unprepared.

High School was what it was and I was a loner then and during college and now in the almost two years I've been out of college I continue to be a loner. I am ashamed about this I never learned how to keep friends and also part of it has been finding people worth having around, another part being engrossed in my relationship with my boyfriend. I hate that I simply dont know anyone really, I have few people that I am 'friendly' with but not in the way I would like, I sometimes wonder is it LA or is it the VALLLEY?

I have come to understand that I am a homebody and that I'm introverted but I do like being social and I want to meet people, I seriously need all the friends I can get...

There's many things I need to work on, I've never been happy about myself. I want to learn how to be happy, and whole. I want to be open and honest. I am ashamed about who I am most of the time, and I dont want to be. I writing this because I don't want to care about what people think I was be honest about my situation and that I am aware I put myself here.

I hope to document my journey on working on some of these issues that I have. I understand its not going to be overnight and its going to take time.

Time is on my side, I hope.



I feel like writing when I am down. I am so so down and I find like I just don't know about anything or anyone or I am just so so lost. I am wishing I was anyone else but me. I am have trouble adjusting to being home. I hate and regret so so many things. It's hard to want to do anything part of me wants to give up but at the same time I know you're who I need/want. I love you.

I need to get outta of LA!